Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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