I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
