so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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