i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
