I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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