I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
