dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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