I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
