A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
