Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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