Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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