finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
