why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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