i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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