having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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