I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
