i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
