Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
