She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
