My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
