his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
