Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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