Can Purell be used as lube?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
