just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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