Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
