Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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