kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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