The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
