Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
only if we run a train.
done.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
