five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
