I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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