what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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