I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
