The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
