i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
