Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
