if you like me you must not know who I am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
