If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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