i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
