On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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