Small penises have feelings too.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my liver is dry heaving
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
