happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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