He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
