Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
