listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
