So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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