Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
