i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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