she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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