Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
