Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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