im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
