I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
