the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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