I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
