I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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