It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
