He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
