If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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