You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
