fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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