How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
