How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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