This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
