a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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