I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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