I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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