I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
