I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
