I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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