What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
