i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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