Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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