suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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