Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
