Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
