I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
