i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
