The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
