i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
