I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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