I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
