JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
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Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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