I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My pussy is not your playground.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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