Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
